April 10, 2009

• //騎重機車遇笨蛋…

  Well, first of all, there has been no holidays recently, and won’t be any until late May. It’s not quite summer vacation yet and spring break should already have been over. So there really shouldn’t be so many people out doing nothing on a weekday. But I swear, I run into the lamest of the dumbest people on such a regular basis.

  I’ve recently jumped back into the crotch rocket scene after a six month hiatus. Rekindling the love for cutting through the wind on a sportbike is just something I have missed for too long. My friend said I was crazy to buy a bike from 90 miles (144 km) away and then riding it all the way home non-stop, as it was simply a bit much for someone who hasn’t ridden for more than half of a year. I thought so, too. It’s been too long.

  And apparently, it was long enough for me to forget the type of encounters I get for being a motorcyclist.

  It didn’t take long for me to run into a tool bag. I took my bike out for a little spin last night for no reason other than I want some fresh air. Of course, “fresh” is the operative word, as I live in the smog-filled Los Angeles. As I was approaching an intersection, the traffic light turned yellow, then red. Naturally, I let off the throttle and downshifted a gear to engine-brake. It’s gonna be a long wait before green, anyway. Oh, I should be so lucky. Some idiot in a new white VW Golf GTI speeded passed me, then slammed on its brakes because, well, he couldn’t go any further. Okay. So the driver obviously felt the need to “beat” me to the “check point”. Fine. I pulled up to the light, popped the gear into neutral. But before I even put my left foot down to from the shifter, I hear the cute little girly VW revving its engine….

  What?!

  I looked over, a glasses guy with videogame pretty boy haircut, obviously very fashion conscious if the human race dresses base on price tags, signals me for a race…

  What?!

  Entertained, I flipped up my helmet visor and asked if he was serious.

  Tool: “Yeah. Nice bike. [obviously didn't mean it] To the next light!”
  Me: “O~kay. You do know that I am on a ‘sport’ bike, right?”
  Tool: “Yeah. It’ll be a good race.” [His passenger equally enthusiastic]
  [Paused for thoughts]
  Me: “Let me put it this way: your car has 200 at the crank, and weighs about 3000 pounds?”
  Tool: “Yeah…”
  Me: “Okay, let’s round up that number and make it 300 horsepower, okay?”
  Tool: “?…”
  Me: “My bike, 106 at the wheel, 350 pounds. Let’s make that 100 and 400″
  Tool: “Yeah?”
  Me: “So, at 300 hp, your car carries 10 lb for every hp. My bike, 4 lb per hp…”
  Tool: “….”
  Me: “Even at that estimate, you know you have a 60% deficit per horsepower, right?”
  Tool: “You never know. Let’s find out.”
  Me: “Let’s not. Go read a book.” [flipped down my visor]
  Passenger Tool: “What?! What does a book have to do with anything?!”

  It has to do with everything, moron. The two of you apparently didn’t understand basic math. Had you paid more attention to the books, maybe you wouldn’t have tried to race a sportbike. Even after giving you an extra 100 hp and lowering my bike’s performance, your girly car was still at a disadvantage. On top of that, I estimated your car in hp at the crank, while humbling my bike with hp number at the wheel. There was simply no chance for your little VW.

  But you couldn’t comprehend that. Could you?

  EPIC FAIL in life.

  • 3:49 am
  • 4 Comments